Anywhere But Here
by Black Butterflyz
Summary: Angel turns human but stays away from Buffy. 2 years later they meet up again...but what's wrong with Buffy?? R&R please!!! Chapter 11 is up! COMPLETED!!!
1. Still Not Home

Anywhere But Here  
  
Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned them do you think I would have let Angel leave Buffy after graduation?  
  
Title: Chapter 1: Still Not Home  
  
Author's Notes: In the first part it is supposed to be that the s1 finale of Angel happens 2 weeks before Restless. I know that works out wrong considering Prime evil and The Yoko Factor but what the hell, anyway it's my bloody story so I can do what I want with it. Also in this Angel is human from the end of To Shanshu in L.A. onwards (lets say there was a spell on the scroll to make him human as the reward) .For the 2nd part onwards I will not tell you much - but Fred is in It and she is just a normal girl who angel saved from a demon once and DOES work for him but IS dating him. Oh, and Riley has left Buffy. So basically everything true up to s4/1 meaning (among other things) that even though her mum died Angel did mot hear about it and didn't come to see Buffy and there was no such person as Dawn. This part is more angst than the others but I promise there will be fluff!  
  
Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again.  
  
  
  
Giles, Xander, Willow and Buffy were sitting in the latter's dining room. Her mother had just gone to the kitchen to get them all something to drink.  
  
"So does everyone agree that this was the weirdest thing we've ever come across?" asked Xander.  
  
"Definitely," said Willow. The doorbell rang and Buffy stood up.  
  
"I'll get it." She walked round the table and over to the door. When she turned the handle she was greeted with a familiar sight.  
  
"Cordy!"  
  
"Hey Buffy! I just finished vacation so I thought I'd pop in and say hi. Oh, and look who's here too," she added moving to aside to show Wesley standing next to her.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey. Come on inside," she said moving backwards so that they could enter the house. "Look who's here guys," she said once they were in the dining room.  
  
"Cordelia! Wesley!" Willow exclaimed jumping up to greet the two.  
  
"Hello," said Giles politely.  
  
"What are you guys doing here?" asked Xander.  
  
"We were on our way back to L.A. after vacation so we thought we'd pop in and say hi," answered Wesley.  
  
"It's great to see you two again," said Willow enthusiastically.  
  
"Same here. Hey, what happened to you?" asked Cordy noticing Buffy's scar.  
  
"Don't ask. Let's just say it's to do with a big unkillable demon," replied Buffy.  
  
"Who is now rotting after having his ass successfully kicked by the four of us," said Willow.  
  
"Wow. Oh, by the way thanks for those codes, Will. They worked."  
  
"It was a pleasure," replied Willow.  
  
"So, did Angel say anything?" asked Cordelia.  
  
"What do you mean?" said Buffy.  
  
"What, didn't he tell you he's human?" said Cordy, her eyebrows rising. All eyes turned to face Buffy.  
  
"No."  
  
"We'd better get going, Cordy. The bus leaves in half an hour," said Wesley sensing that now was not a good time.  
  
"Okay, then," said Willow.  
  
"Bye guys."  
  
"Bye," said Cordelia.  
  
"See you later," said Willow. Buffy showed them out, despite Xander's and Wesley's protests, and then returned to the dining room looking in need of some proper rest.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Willow.  
  
"Hmmm," replied Buffy softly sitting down on the nearest chair. Just then Mrs. Summers came into the dining room carrying a tray with drinks.  
  
"Did I just hear the doorbell ring?"  
  
"Yeah, you did," said Xander half-heartedly.  
  
"So who was it then?" asked Joyce.  
  
"Cordelia and Wesley," said Buffy.  
  
"Cordelia, didn't she go to high school with you?"  
  
"Yep. She did."  
  
"Then where is she?" asked Joyce peering round the doorway.  
  
"She left. She and Wesley had to go and catch the bus to L.A., they just stopped to say hi," Willow answered.  
  
"Oh right. Well, I made you some drinks," she said placing the tray on the table. I'm going to go upstairs and get some rest. Goodnight," Joyce told them starting to climb up the stairs.  
  
"Goodnight," said Giles his gaze not leaving Buffy.  
  
"Goodnight Mrs. Summers," chorused Willow and Xander.  
  
"'Night mum," said Buffy lightly.  
  
Once she left Willow broke the silence. "Are you alright, Buffy?"  
  
"Of course, I am, Will. I am absolutely perfect," Buffy replied sarcastically.  
  
"Buff." said Xander.  
  
"Buffy, if you want to talk about this, you know - " Giles started.  
  
"No. I think I just need to get some rest," she interrupted. She took her drink and walked up the stairs. When she had gone the rest of the Scoobies looked at each other.  
  
"Just wait till I get my hands on that guy," said Xander gritting his teeth.  
  
"Xander! You know that's not going to help Buffy," said Willow exasperatedly.  
  
"I don't care. He's hurt her a million times as a vampire and now that he's finally human he doesn't tell her. The guy's a. I don't know what he is.he's evil, that's what he is."  
  
"Xander, calm down. What Angel's done he's done for a reason, it may be stupid - we all know what he's like, even though he's very possibly changed over the past year - but there must be a reason," said Giles.  
  
"Yeah. Plus, we don't even know what Buffy wants us to do," said Willow.  
  
"Oh, yeah. We all know that even though she's going out with Riley she still loves him Will. I mean look at the way she talks about him," said Xander starting to pace up and down.  
  
"Well, I guess we just have to give her some space for the time being," decided Giles.  
  
"Yeah. Until she wants to talk about it," agreed Willow.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you two but right now I could just about kill that guy." Xander walked off in a huff and left Willow and Giles to look on.  
  
Three Weeks Later.  
  
Buffy was sitting on her bed, like she had been for the past hour. Ever since Cordelia had dropped the bomb about Angel she hadn't been functioning properly. Her mind was spinning, her legs felt like lead and sometimes she felt that if she stayed still one moment longer she would puke. She had to do something. She couldn't talk to Giles, Xander or even Willow. There was only one person who could give her answers. She jumped off the bed and ran down the stairs. She had to get to L.A. Soon.  
  
Later that day.  
  
Angel was filing out his cupboard. The night before he, Wesley and Cordelia had just vanquished the latest demon that had hit the town and the two of them had not reported in for work yet. He heard heels tapping the cold wooden floor of the office. The ex-vampire smiled. "I didn't think you would be in -" he cut off once turning round to face the person who had just entered the room.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Sorry, I thought you were, Cordy."  
  
"Yeah." There was a slight pause in which though neither could find their voice their gaze never left each other.  
  
"What are you doing her?" he finally choked out. Suddenly her solemn expression turned into anger as she folded her arms round her chest.  
  
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" she demanded.  
  
"I d-don't know what you're talking about?" she said bewildered.  
  
"You don't? Wow, that's the first time someone who didn't tell me something didn't know what they didn't say."  
  
"Didn't tell you what?" he asked not sure if that was the right question.  
  
"Oh, just this," she said and pulled up the blind that covered the window to reveal rays of sunlight that now shone harmlessly over Angel. He realised then that she knew he was human. Damn it. How could she find out? He thought.  
  
"How do you -,"  
  
"Cordelia told me when she and Wesley stopped in Sunnydale on their way back here."  
  
"Oh," was all he could manage to say.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked walking towards him till all that was separating them was an inch.  
  
"I didn't tell you because I wanted you to have a normal life," he finally said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Buffy, I left you so that you could have a normal life and -"  
  
"Angel, I'm a slayer. The chance of life as a normal girl left me a while ago."  
  
"I know Buffy, but at least if you had a normal boyfriend you could get close to that. It's better for you."  
  
"So what? Since when does anyone care what's good for me? I mean here you are and you're deciding what you think is in my best interests without even talking to me about it."  
  
"Buffy this is for the best."  
  
"Don't you love me?" she asked staring into his eyes. He couldn't answer her. He just looked. Then she reached up and kissed him. He was in shock for the first few seconds. Then unable to control himself he began to kiss her back. He almost put his hands around her waist but he resisted. When they broke apart she look at him in the eye. He said nothing. She finally said, "Can you tell me that you didn't feel anything?"  
  
They stood in silence for a few seconds. Then he drew in a well-needed breath and prepared to do something he had never done before. He was going to lie to her.  
  
"I didn't and I don't," answering both her questions. She looked at him in the eye for a moment and then ran out the door. He stayed there for a few minutes staring at the empty door. Then he turned round and began getting back to his work. She, on the other hand, was running as fast as she could to get somewhere, anywhere. Just so long as no one would be able to see her cry.  
  
TBC. 


	2. Discoveries

Anywhere But Here  
  
Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: you really think I own the show? I'm honoured!  
  
Title: Chapter 2: Discoveries  
  
Author's Notes: see first part for the setting of this story (and the parts to come). This part is 2 years after the first - hence the summary. Reminder - Nothing after season 4 is true except for a few little things that will be pointed out along the way.  
  
Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again.  
  
Dedication: Tharika, for waiting and helping me with ideas  
  
Distribution: email me and ask first please.  
  
Reviews(if you're on fanfiction.net) and feedback: pretty please! I live for it!  
  
Cordelia and Gunn were patrolling late on Saturday night after their date at a restaurant was over. They had been going out for some time now. Angel wanted to patrol that night but he and Fred had to go somewhere and wouldn't be back till late. Those two had been going out since not long after Cordelia and Gunn started and it seemed to her that Angel had finally moved on from Buffy. All the better she thought. Not that she disliked Buffy, but after the pain she put him through. The fact that he hadn't seen her for two years had helped quite a bit. Suddenly Gunn stopped and stood still in the graveyard. "What is it?"  
  
"There's something over there," he said pointing to something that could be seen sticking out from under the tree.  
  
"Stakes out then?" she asked, taking hers out anyway.  
  
"Better safe than sorry," he agreed taking his out as well. They walked slowly and carefully towards it. When they were just behind the trunk he told her, "You'd better stay here." She nodded and stayed as he took two steps forward. He swivelled round to face it and then put his stake back in his pocket.  
  
"What is it?' she asked going to see what it was. She saw the body of a woman turned on her side. She was short with long curly brown-blonde hair. They both instinctively bent down to turn her body over. There were scratches all over her face and a long cut on her left check was bleeding hard. Her hands were cut and her clothes blackened with dirt. "Look," Gunn said pointing to the right hand side of the bottom of her stomach. Over the white top and black dirt she could see a mass of red that looked too much like blood. She slowly pulled the top up just high enough and saw a bullet hole inside her skin. From the looks of it the bullet had only be taken out recently. She looked up to face Gunn and said, "We'd better take her to the office." He nodded and picked her up in his arms and they went back the way they came.  
  
**  
  
Angel and Fred had just returned to his office after their date. The movie had finished a little early so they went for a walk in the park before returning to the office. She was going to go home then but he didn't want her too. "Do you have to go?"  
  
"You know perfectly well I do." He laughed and their lips met in a kiss that was interrupted by someone turning on the light in the other end of the room. They turned to see Cordelia enter and place her handbag on her desk. "Cordelia," said Angel stunned to see employee at the office.  
  
"Hey," she said mildly and opened the door to Gunn who was carrying a woman in his arms.  
  
"What happened?" asked Angel breaking apart from Fred and going towards him.  
  
"We were on patrol and we found her there," Cordy explained as Gunn bent to put the woman on the sofa.  
  
"She's badly injured. Cuts all over herself and she's covered in this black muck," Gunn told them.  
  
"Where's the first aid kit?" asked Cordelia.  
  
"Downstairs," said Angel and the two of them went to get it.  
  
The next day.  
  
Wesley entered his office at eight am to find all his business partners busy. "And there was me thinking you'd all be sleeping when I came in," said jokingly. When they all gave him stern looks his humour disappeared. "What happened?"  
  
"Yesterday, Gunn and Cordy found some woman in the graveyard. She's badly injured," explained Fred.  
  
"Don't you know who she is?" he asked  
  
"We don't. Cordelia's been with her all night but she hasn't woken up yet," said Angel.  
  
"She hasn't even come outside for breakfast yet," added Gunn  
  
"Oh, by the way Wesley could you examine this for me?" said Angel.  
  
"I'll go do it now."  
  
Just then the door opened and Cordelia stepped outside. She shut it quietly behind her which was surprising as she had a reputation for slamming doors and disturbing everybody.  
  
"What is it?" asked Wesley noticing the look on her face.  
  
"Um, well." she drifted off as if she didn't really know what to say.  
  
"What?" urged Angel.  
  
"You know the unknown girl back there?" she said gesturing to the door.  
  
"Yeah," said Fred impatiently  
  
"Well, she's not exactly unknown."  
  
"What is she then? Or who?" asked Angel starting to get a little impatient.  
  
"She's Buffy," Cordelia said simply, not daring to meet Angel's eyes.  
  
"What?" he said after a few minutes.  
  
"It's her." Angel stayed silent and Cordelia could not think of anything else to say to him.  
  
Wesley * Buffy's in L.A.? *  
  
Gunn * Isn't that Angel's ex-girlfriend? *  
  
Fred * Who the hell is Buffy? And what kind of a name is that? *  
  
TBC. 


	3. Meeting

Anywhere But Here  
  
Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: If I really owned Angel and BTVS, Angel would be human, Buffy and he would be married, complete happiness would ensue at least once every episode, knowing them, maybe thrice, .what else can I add?  
  
Title: Chapter 3: That Night  
  
Author's Notes: This part is set in the night of the last part. Everything is just the same setting. Sorry for the last chapter being so short!  
  
Summary: Angel is human but stays away from Buffy. 2 years later they meet up again.  
  
Dedication: For everyone who read and reviewed my story! This chapter's for you guys!  
  
Distribution: if you like! But please ask first!  
  
Reviews (if this is fanfiction.net) and Feedback: a must!  
  
  
  
Angel reluctantly walked into the bedroom to get out some books on demons. The first thing he saw when he opened his door was Buffy lying on the bed wrapped under the sheets. A feeling went through him that he hadn't felt in two years. It was the feeling he felt when he saw, when he didn't. It was what made him aware of her presence. They could sense each other before sight and that made them connect. He took one last look at her and then bent down to search the shelves for the book Wesley wanted. While he was searching he heard a voice mumble something that sounded oddly like, "Xander." He forced himself to look up and saw Buffy roll over on the bed to face him. For a minute neither said anything, just looked. And then she said, "Angel," and started to sit up on the bed. He stood up in reply. "Buffy."  
  
"What am I doing here," she questioned.  
  
"Cordelia and Gunn found you in the graveyard. You were wounded and so they brought you here," he said going over to her side, book in his hand, and sat on the bed.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Can you tell me why you are in L.A.?"  
  
"No," she said simply. He was about to question Why not? But something in her voice stopped him. It sounded lost, alone. Something he had never heard in her before. Silently giving up he told her, "Well, if you like you could take a bath. You've been here a night already. I could ask Cordelia for some clothes for you to wear."  
  
"I think I'll take a bath, but I've got some clothes in my bag. They did bring that too, didn't they?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so," he said and bent down to look under the bed. When he emerged he was holding a black duffel bag in his free hand. He gave it to her and she placed it on her lap. After staring at it for a few moments she looked up and asked, "Who's Gunn?"  
  
"He's Cordelia's boyfriend," Angel answered.  
  
"Oh. Is he nice?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, he's very nice actually. He works for me too."  
  
"Oh, that's good." After a few more moments of silence she said, "I'd better go shower then."  
  
"Yeah," he said getting up too go. She got up with her bag in one hand and said, "Well, I'll talk to you later then."  
  
"Yeah," he said and walked outside.  
  
Once had closed the door behind him he turned to face Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn.  
  
"Here's you're book," he said throwing it across the room to Wesley.  
  
"Well, you took an awfully long time in there," Cordelia said sitting don on the sofa next to Gunn. When Angel replied with nothing more than a look she got up again and asked, "What happened?"  
  
"She got up."  
  
"And?" said Wesley voicing what Cordelia was thinking. And Angel told them what she had said (leaving out the part when he asked her why she was in L.A. in the first place).  
  
"Are you saying that this girl asked 'Am I nice?'" asked Gunn when Angel came to that part of the not-too-long conversation.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And what did you tell her?' he said.  
  
"I said yes, what else was I supposed to say."  
  
"And then?" said Cordelia wanting to get back to the story.  
  
"And then she went to take a shower and I came here."  
  
"You didn't even asked her why she's in L.A.?" asked Cordelia.  
  
After a few seconds of mental debate Angel said, "Yes I did."  
  
"So what did she say?" said Cordelia exasperatedly.  
  
"I asked her could she tell me why she was here and she said no."  
  
"She said no?" asked Wesley disbelievingly, looking up from his book.  
  
"Yes, she did."  
  
"You never told me she was this weird Cordy," said Gunn.  
  
"That's because she never was," said Cordelia a little worried as she watched Wesley leave the room.  
  
45 minutes later.  
  
Gunn, Cordelia and Angel were sitting on the sofa watching TV. Gunn had wanted to watch Sliders ("The girl's really.nice."), Cordelia wanted to watch Roswell ("Max is so hot" (oops!)) and Angel hadn't really wanted to watch anything and was only doing so because Cordelia had made him. In the end they settled for Friends as Gunn wanted to see Rachel and Cordelia liked Chandler (though neither told the other one that). Angel couldn't help thinking about Buffy. She looked so different and yet she looked just the same, except.different. On the outside she had changed. She was taller, older, with different hair and so many cuts and bruises, but in her eyes he could see the old Buffy. Their spark was still there, but fainter as if given up all hope. She seemed sad, and somehow he could not take his mind off her. He looked at Gunn sitting next to him, Cordelia next to him. Her head was leaning on his shoulder and their hands entwined. It hurt to think that a few years ago that was what he and Buffy were doing. * Forget Buffy. You have Fred now remember * said a voice in his head. * But how can I forget her * said another more insistent voice. * Maybe I could try and ignore the fact that I knew her when I never saw her but how can I now when she's right here. * His thoughts were interrupted by Wesley's arrival into the room.  
  
"Look at what I found."  
  
"What?" asked Cordelia turning to see.  
  
"Its something about that black stuff Angel gave me," said Wesley.  
  
"What about that?" asked Cordelia switching off the television and jumping up to look at the book in Wesley's hands. Gunn and Angel got up at came around to join them.  
  
"Well, it says something about it being related to the supernatural forces," he said  
  
"Cool" said Cordelia unfazed.  
  
"Ha ha. This could be of some importance Cordelia I hope you realize that."  
  
"The only thing I realize is that you are making me miss Friends. And this is the episode where Chandler proposes!"  
  
"Cordelia, Wesley is right. What do you need?" said Angel quickly before a huge argument began. He had better things to do.  
  
"Well to figure out everything I have to get all the text translated into English, I'll probably need some of my books for that. And I should probably take a look at the substance again."  
  
"Well, you do that. Gunn, you go in that room and get some of my books. I'll go get the ones downstairs and Cordelia you stay here," said Angel.  
  
"Yes sir," said Cordelia and jokingly saluted him as the three men around her went off in their separate ways. And then having nothing to else to do, she sat down on the couch and switched the television back on till they returned with the books.  
  
When Gunn closed the door behind him and turned around the first thing he saw was a blonde woman standing on the other side of the room. He recognised her as the girl they had brought the day before, except she had cleaned up and changed her clothes into leather pants, a pink tank top and was holding a leather jacket in one hand. He could recognise her as the same girl in Cordelia's graduation picture.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hey," she replied. Then after a few moments of silence she asked him, "Have we met before?"  
  
"Not really," said walking round the bed towards her and then holding out his hand, "I'm Gunn."  
  
"Nice to meet you," she said shaking it.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" he said after another, longer silence.  
  
"Yeah, I think so," she said, "Did you come to get something?"  
  
"Yeas, I did actually." He said stepping past her to go to the shelf. "I came for this," he said picking four random books off the shelf.  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
"What were you here for?"  
  
"To get my bag," she said pointing to the one on the bed, "I was going to go now."  
  
"So soon?"  
  
"Yeah." She took her bag and they both silently walked out the door and came face to face with Wesley. "Buffy."  
  
"Hi Wesley."  
  
"It's been a long time."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How are you feeling now?" he added  
  
"Much better," she chirped.  
  
"That's good. How come you have your bag with you?" he added.  
  
"I was planning on going now."  
  
"Already? Why don't you at least have something to eat first..." his voice trailed off.  
  
"I'm fine. Besides I kinda feel that I've already outstayed my welcome."  
  
"Oh. Okay then."  
  
As she turned to leave she said, "Could you tell me where the door is? I've forgotten. Must be over two years since I was last here."  
  
"I think so. It's this way," said Wesley leading her out. After they left Gunn closed the room door and waited till Wesley came back. He did, but just after him so did Cordelia and Angel.  
  
"What happened?" she asked seeing a funny look on their faces.  
  
"Buffy left," said Wesley.  
  
"Already?" she said  
  
"Yeah. When I went inside she was there."  
  
"When did she leave?" asked Angel taking a few steps forward  
  
"Just now," said Wesley. There was a small uncomfortable silence afterwards.  
  
"Well, what are you all standing around like zombies for? Let's get to work!" And with that Cordelia pulled a book out of Gunn's hand, flopped down on the couch and started flipping through the book.  
  
Buffy walked down the streets of L.A. She had already put her jacket on, it had been cold when she got outside, and was heading home. * Home. What home? * She thought. * What home have I got now? A place that my father lives in, where I used to live too but got virtually exiled out of? Or a place that I don't even fit in with and my only reason for being there is to finish one more year of college. One more year. I wonder if I can survive another year of that hellhole. Hah! That's what it is, isn't it a hellhole or hell mouth. I've forgotten the name now. I guess that's what five years of a shit place like that does to you. *  
  
When she got home she ran straight up to her old room as her father wasn't there. He had gone away on business and wouldn't be back till the next day. She kicked the door closed, behind her and fell onto the bed. Then she got up, flicked the light switch on and started unpacking her bag. Once she had discarded all her dirty clothes and the weapons she was left with a wallet. She opened it to check how much money she had when something fell out of it. She bent down to pick it up thinking it some money but instead what she got was two pictures. She didn't have to look at them to know what they were of. They were her favourite ones. She had planted them in there when things had been better. When they hadn't been like this. She forced herself to look at them now. The first was one of her, Xander and Willow. They were all looking at each other and laughing. She gave a faint smile that lasted half a second and dropped it on the bed. She looked at the second one. She, Cordelia, Willow, Xander and Oz were all standing next to each other and beaming at the camera. She remembered that day at the pier when Giles had taken that picture. She dropped that on the bed too and walked out the door. A moment later she came back inside, turned the light off, grabbed Mr Gordo, flopped onto the bed and almost immediately went to bed.  
  
TBC. 


	4. Monsters

Anywhere But Here  
  
Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: BTVS and Angel are owned by Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Mutant Enemy Inc, David Greenwalt, etc (of course I don't own them - I'm not that mean). Ten Things I Hate About You is owned by.whoever wrote, produced, directed and starred in it. (Have I spelt Joseph Gorden-Levitt right?) Chocolate Crunchie Bars are owned by Cadbury's ("There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate" - Buffy).  
  
Title: Chapter 4: Monsters  
  
Author's Notes: Um...well I'm not sure if there's anything left to add, if you've read the other 3 chapters you'll know the basics.and that's pretty much it. If you guys wanna know about the bullet shot, that only really means anything in later chapters. Also it didn't affect her because it was already removed and she has slayer healing! Also she was supposed to have had the hole for a few days. I don't like this chapter much but it is needed! Oh yeah, this chapter is set 2 weeks after the last one finished.  
  
Dedication: Manoj for just bothering to take the time to read my stories (even if he does it days after I ask him to).next time tell me!  
  
Distribution, Reviews and Feedback: see previous parts  
  
  
  
Angel walked round the graveyard. He was patrolling alone that night because Gunn and Cordelia had gone to the movies ("They're showing Ten Things I Hate About You! Gorgeous Heath Ledger and Joseph Gorden-Levitt! It's a bloody two-for-one deal! I can't miss it just to patrol with you!"), Fred was out of town and Wesley was busy translating something he had been working on for the past two weeks. It was about the black substance that had been on Buffy's clothes. * Buffy, I wonder what she's doing now. Stop it. You can't keep thinking about her. She left without so much as a goodbye or a thank you and probably doesn't even want to see you again. * His thoughts did not comfort him, however and he was left to wade in them for the rest of the night as he only came across fewer then twelve vampires. When he returned back to his apartment he found the light was still on and saw Wesley still dutifully at his desk translating the desk. "Wesley don't you think you should be getting home soon?"  
  
"What?" he said looking up from his work.  
  
"It's past midnight, Wes."  
  
"Oh, I know I'm just working on this word."  
  
Angel peered over his shoulder. "That's the same one you were working on when I left and that was at eight o'clock."  
  
"Oh, I know but I think I've almost got it now."  
  
"That's it," said Angel and started closing the books.  
  
"What are you doing?" exclaimed Wesley jumping out of his chair.  
  
"Packing." Once he had finished putting the books in the briefcase he held it out to Wesley. "I'll only give you this if you promise you'll go to sleep and only start researching in the morning."  
  
"Um..." started Wesley hesitating. "Alright," he said finally although he was not sure whether or not he had lied to him. He started towards the door once he had his briefcase back when he noticed something was bothering Angel. "So, how was patrol?" said Wesley trying to make conversation.  
  
"Okay. Not too many vampires out tonight."  
  
"Are you okay?" he said finally, not knowing how else to approach his friend.  
  
"Sure, why do you ask?" said Angel putting away his files.  
  
"Well, something seems to be bothering you and I'd like to know what."  
  
"It's nothing Wesley, I'm fine."  
  
"If you say so." He went back to the door when an idea struck him. "Thought about Buffy lately?" he offered. He saw Angel immediately stiffen. "Sometimes."  
  
"Any idea where she is?"  
  
"Not really. Been busy lately."  
  
* Yeah right. More likely you can't admit that you can't stop thinking about her. * "Well, I better get going."  
  
"Yeah, okay." He opened the door, but before he left he took one last look at Angel. He was still sorting out the files and desperately trying to prove himself that his mind was not elsewhere. He decided that he had not lied to Angel and went home.  
  
The next day.  
  
Cordelia was rummaging through Wesley's cupboard. She was looking for where he had kept his briefcase but she could not find it. She turned round to see that Angel and Gunn had had no luck on the shelves either. "Well, I guess we've run out of options then." She started towards the corridor when they caught up with her.  
  
"Cordelia, he must have got home yesterday at one o'clock. Let him sleep."  
  
"Yeah, well so did I Angel, you don't see me snoring away."  
  
"Yeah, well Cordelia at least Wesley wasn't doing something he does every night." Cordelia blushed for a second but then she pouted and burst inside Wesley's bedroom.  
  
He was still lying in bed, his glasses on the bedside table. She went right next to him, bent and shouted into his name into his ear. He got up and exclaimed, "What?" until he realized it was just the three of them.  
  
"Morning sleepyhead," said Cordelia sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, morning," said Wesley only half-awake.  
  
"Rise and shine it's twelve noon already," she said cheerfully.  
  
"Oh. Right. Just give me five minutes." And with that he fell back onto the bed. Cordelia let out a little "Humph" of disappointment and pulled on the side of his bed sheet. He immediately fell onto the floor, disappearing behind the bed. A hand shot up and a very alert voice could be heard saying, "I'm up!"  
  
Wesley stepped out of his bedroom and into the living room. His friends were sitting on the sofa watching television and happily munching on chocolate crunchie bars that they had obviously found upon raiding his fridge while he was washing. He cleared his throat to let them know of his presence.  
  
"Finished beautifying yourself then, Wesley? Honestly, you take longer than me in the shower."  
  
"Well, I guess that's saying something Cordy."  
  
"What's that's supposed to mean?" Angel just chuckled and led Wesley to a different part of the room while Cordelia and Gunn argued among themselves.  
  
"Well?" asked Wesley expectantly.  
  
"This morning, at about eleven o'clock Cordelia and Gunn came to the office and they said that this morning Lilah came to her place."  
  
"As in Lilah from Wolfram & Hart?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"Apparently, she had said something about some new demon and it being dangerous because it has vampire support and -"  
  
"Lilah is interested in whether some demon kills us or not?" asked Wesley incredulously.  
  
"I haven't finished. She said it's something to do with links. She wouldn't say anymore but she did mention that it was very powerful."  
  
For a few moment s Wesley regarded this in silence. Then he realized what Angel was implying. "You mean you think it has something to do with that black stuff on Buffy's jacket? You think it's from a demon?"  
  
"Well, actually it's more that I think than him, but he'll come around," Cordelia chirped. Apparently, she and Gunn had resolved their fight but the outcome was unknown. "Besides, Buffy always was bad news." Wesley could sense Angel was trying not to come to her defense as he was trying to pretend to himself and the others that he didn't have feelings for her anymore.  
  
"So, what do you think we should do?" asked Wesley trying to fill up the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Well, Angel thought that maybe you would be able to help us work out how to get into Wolfram & Hart files," said Gunn.  
  
"I'm not at all good at the computer though," Wesley protested.  
  
"That may be so, but I am so the 'net girl and since you are old supernatural book guy we need you to help us find demon stuff so you better come with us and scoot your butt over to the office." Somehow Wesley had to smile. Cordelia always managed to surprise him.  
  
"Shall we go then?" said Angel finally gaining his vocal cords back.  
  
"Let's," said Wesley enthusiastically and after he got his coat they all left to head to Angel Investigations.  
  
That night.  
  
Angel peered round the edge of the tree to see if there was anyone in front of them. Then he signaled to Gunn that the coast was clear and they walked slowly, silently, next to each other. Cordelia and Wesley were going into town to go to a place where the computer system was more sophisticated than theirs so they could access the Wolfram & Hart files. Since Angel and Gunn were of no use whatsoever in the world of computers and would only be able to find information in Wesley's books if they were indexed (which, incidentally, none of them were) they were patrolling to kill time. They had only come across six vampires in the past two hours, but that was better than having last week - they'd come across over a dozen vampires and almost gotten themselves killed - twice.  
  
They patrolled for a while until Gunn suddenly stopped. "Wait."  
  
"What is it?" asked Angel.  
  
"There's someone here."  
  
"A vampire?"  
  
"Not sure. Maybe."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Over there," he said pointing to his left. They walked carefully and pulled back some branches so that they could see behind it. They saw a vampire standing there, blood dripping down his fangs. A woman with blood on her neck was running in the other direction, as fast as she could in her extremely high heels. The vampire, on the other hand, was standing rooted to the spot and looking extremely afraid - although he was doing his best to cover it up - for some peculiar reason.  
  
"What's wrong with that vamp?" questioned Gunn.  
  
"I don't know." Then they noticed another woman standing up from underneath a different bush. She had a stake in her hand poised to kill and the vampire was looking worse than he had before. "You can't stop me." He had tried to say it in a sort of hiss sound but it ended up coming out as more of a squeak.  
  
"That's the third time you've said that to me. You and your demon friend. I'm getting tired of it. I guess I'm gonna have to kill you," said the woman. For a moment Angel thought he recognized her voice, but he shrugged it off for now.  
  
"Yeah right. You can't kill me, you can't kill any of us," said the vampire but he sounded scared. "We'll see about that." She spun around and kicked the vampire in the face. It fell to the ground and she started to bend down to stake it when Angel saw her face. "Buffy," he called and raced out from behind the bush with Gunn running to catch up.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Buffy what are you doing here?" asked Angel standing in front of her, with Gunn panting behind him.  
  
"Patrolling." And as if to prove so she bent down to stake the vampire but it had gone. As one, they turned to see it running off behind the bushes. They ran after it and saw a few feet in front of them but at its pace they would never catch up. Angel was about to say so when Buffy lifted up her hands at arms length, no longer clutching a stake, but a gun. She fired and it hit the vampire in the center of its forehead and it fell to the ground. Gunn and Angel were shocked beyond words. She jogged up to it and staked it leaving behind only a pile of ashes. She came back up to them and they were still rooted to the spot. "Anyone ever told you that if you hit a vampire dead center in the forehead, it actually does have some effect?"  
  
"But, I mean." his voice trailed off, not knowing what to say. "Buffy, where have you been for the past two weeks?" he said finally.  
  
"Around."  
  
"But.I mean.I haven't seen you."  
  
"Maybe you just weren't looking hard enough." For a moment he felt like shaking her and shouting, but he stopped himself. Not because he thought she didn't deserve it. Because she did. But because he had to work things out with her and there was know way she would even listen to him if he did that. With all his thoughts whirling round his head and the loss of Gunn's constant panting he didn't realize that almost five minutes had past. "I'd better get going," she muttered to neither of them in particular and turned around.  
  
"Buffy, wait," said Angel jogging up to her and placing his hand on her shoulder to turn her round to face him. She shrugged his hand off and looked up at him expectantly. If Angel had been trying to look at her and find answers then he was mislead because no one could have read her then. Not even him. Finally he muttered, "Where are you going?"  
  
"To where I'm staying," she said after a few seconds. He wished Gunn wasn't there at that moment.  
  
"Well, where are you staying?" he asked exasperatedly.  
  
"Around." She turned to walk off again but he grabbed her.  
  
"At least tell me what you meant about some other demon." She didn't say anything so he said, "It's to do with Wolfram & Hart isn't it." She nodded slowly. "Well, can you tell me about the demon?" She didn't say anything. "Buffy, I'm just trying to help you. You can't fight a demon on your own. Why is it after you?"  
  
"It doesn't concern you."  
  
"When it concerns my friends I think it matters to me and not you."  
  
"When it concerns my friends it concerns me too." Angel was about to utter 'What on earth is that supposed to mean?' when she ran off in the other direction. He wanted to call out after her but she was gone and he knew she wouldn't listen anyway. Gunn shrugged at him hopelessly and Angel was left in the dark once again. 


	5. Only The Beginning

Anywhere But Here  
  
Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: BTVS and Angel are owned by the almighty evil one Joss Whedon  
  
Title: Chapter five: Only The Beginning  
  
Author's Notes: Same as always. This is set the day after the last chapter. I know some of you will probably hate me after this chapter but please continue reading! Extremely sorry for the delay in posting but I was very busy!!!  
  
Dedication: For Charlotte! Hope you like it even though you've never seen the show!  
  
Distribution, Reviews and Feedback: You know the drill.  
  
"What on earth is wrong with him?" exclaimed Cordelia. "He didn't have breakfast this morning! He's not talking to anyone! What the hell did you do to him last night?"  
  
"I didn't do anything to Angel!" protested Gunn.  
  
"Then explain his behaviour," said Cordelia folding her arms.  
  
"We sort of bumped into Buffy last night," he said finally.  
  
"I knew it! Where she goes, extensive brooding follows!" Cordelia said triumphantly. "Why didn't you say so earlier?"  
  
"Well, he seemed okay then…"  
  
"Okay? Yeah, right."  
  
"Cordelia, Angel has to do this on his own. It might not be her anyway…"  
  
"Gunn, shut up. We have to talk to him!"  
  
"Alright, but I don't know what good it will do." The two of them headed to the kitchen, Cordelia storming off in front.  
  
"Hey Angel."  
  
"Hi guys," he replied.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Cordelia chirped.  
  
"Fine. Why?"  
  
"Nothing, just wondering."  
  
"Oh." They all stayed silent and Cordelia looked at Gunn telling him to ask. He looked at the floor and acted like he hadn't noticed. She grumbled and mouthed fine. "Angel, Gunn says you've seen Buffy recently. Is it true?" she asked, getting straight to the point.  
  
"Um, yeah," he said after a few seconds.  
  
"So…" Cordelia started, not knowing how to proceed, "how's she doing?"  
  
"Okay, I guess…"  
  
"Angel, what she's trying to say is that are you brooding because she blew you off?" asked Gunn, finally getting fed up. For a moment Angel was startled and fell off the kitchen counter, spilling his coffee in the process. Then he got up quickly and said innocently, "Who says I'm brooding?" Cordelia and Gunn sighed in unison. "Angel, you've got to stop letting her getting to you."  
  
"How can you say she's getting to me?"  
  
They both stayed silent. "Alright, firstly, okay, yes, I saw her, but she's not getting to me! Secondly, why should she? I mean it's not like I…" his voice trailed off.  
  
"Love her?" suggested Cordelia. "And if that's the case then Angel, why are you going all broody again?  
  
"I'm not going all broody again!"  
  
Just then Wesley burst through the front door and ran inside the kitchen. The three of them turned to face him, forgetting all about their prior argument.  
  
"What is it?" Cordelia exclaimed. He said nothing, probably due to his extreme panting, but instead threw a large stack of papers on the kitchen counter – narrowly missing the coffee spill. Angel and Gunn sifted through it while Cordelia helped Wesley get his breath back.  
  
"They're all about some demon named Nekay…?" said Gunn  
  
"It's Nakate [A/N: that's nakatay] actually," informed Wesley  
  
"What about it?" asked Cordelia. Wesley rifled through his jeans pocket and produced a small see-through box containing a small black substance. Cordelia turned her nose up at it. "What is that?"  
  
"It's what you found on Buffy's clothes."  
  
"Is it something like the demon's skin?" Cordelia wondered aloud.  
  
"No, but close."  
  
"Then, what is it?" asked Angel.  
  
"Nakate is a very powerful demon. He can make parts of his body, like his arms and legs expand or stretch. Sometimes when it returns to its normal size – which is in fact not that much bigger than any of us – parts of it fall off or get left behind…"  
  
"Eew! That's gross!" exclaimed Cordelia  
  
"A little, I suppose, but very useful on some occasions."  
  
"So you're saying that this guy is some sort of weirdo that can shape-shift and then after becoming a giant, became all tiny again and spilled all his 'excess baggage' over Buffy?" For a moment they all stayed silent. Then Gunn exclaimed, "Could you explain that in any more grosser from?"  
  
"Sorry," Cordelia said, holding up her hands.  
  
"Look," Angel said finally. "What are you trying to say? That she was trying to kill that thing and had lost in fight or something when Cordelia and Gunn found her?"  
  
"Something like that. There's only one problem," said Wesley  
  
"And that is?" questioned Cordelia.  
  
"The bullet hole in her stomach. This creature and his minions are extremely powerful. They would hardly need a tool such as a mortal made gun to fulfil their wishes."  
  
"I think we may have an explanation for that," said Gunn  
  
"And that is?" said Wesley, curiously.  
  
Gunn glanced at Angel before replying, then clearing his throat to speak. "Yesterday, when we met Buffy she had a gun in her hand," After receiving weird looks from Wesley, he added hastily, "But, that still doesn't make a difference. She used it really well. She could shoot at something 100 kilometres away from her and still hit it right on target. There's no way she could shoot herself, even accidentally." They all stayed silent till they heard the clock in the hallway chime for nine o'clock. "I'd better go patrol," Angel murmured. He started walking across the hall to get his coat when he heard Cordelia squeal, "Lets all go!" He turned back sharply on his heel to face her. "What?"  
  
"All of us should go. We haven't done that in a long time and I've been wanting to kick some vampire butt recently."  
  
"Well," started Wesley, "It would be better than sitting around looking up more information." Gunn just shrugged.  
  
"Then it's settled," Cordelia beamed. "We're all going." And she grabbed the remaining coats and threw them at their respective owners before Angel had a chance to open his mouth.  
  
After a few moments Angel decided just to follow them out and they all left to slay the evil creatures of the night.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Angel walked back Wesley after slaying the vampire that had attacked them.  
  
"You okay?" asked Wesley after bending back up from killing the other vampire.  
  
"Fine. You?"  
  
"Same. What's the time?"  
  
"Eleven-thirty."  
  
"Weren't Cordelia and Gunn supposed to meet us half an hour ago?" Angel nodded in agreement and peered over his shoulder to check whether Gunn and Cordelia had come back. "Should we go check on them?" Wesley pondered aloud.  
  
"Let's give them ten more minutes. Then we'll see."  
  
Ten minutes later they still hadn't returned so Wesley and Angel went to look for their friends.  
  
Cordelia and Gunn glanced round the wall to check there was no one inside and ran round to the door. She knew that they were about forty-five minutes late in meeting Angel and Wesley but she would worry about that later. Right now she would just worry about what was behind that door.  
  
They had been following that vampire for ages. Gunn had almost leapt out from behind the bush in the graveyard to stake it until he heard part of its conversation with a fellow vampire – who conveniently * fell * onto a stake a few minutes later. They had spoken about some all evil demon and Gunn who had been suspicious had wanted to follow them. So far they hadn't discovered anything new but Cordelia's suspicions were rising too. The room inside was dark. Too dark. Gunn noticed the look on Cordelia's face and held her hand gently. They both walked inside the room, glancing on either side rapidly.  
  
Wesley and Angel walked by the building a few minutes later, extremely worried of Cordelia and Gunn's whereabouts. They heard an piercing scream light up the misty night and dashed inside. They ran through all the rooms searching for the who sounded too much like Cordelia. When they finally heard another sound it was a woman's sobs. It came from the remaining room. They walked carefully inside it and flicked the light switch on to see Cordelia on her knees, sobbing, leaning over Gunn who was sprawled out obscenely over a pool deep rich blood.  
  
TBC…. 


	6. Decision

Author: Hana (cordychase)  
  
Email: [1]cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own either show (Damn). Or the end lyrics (Damn again).  
  
Title: Chapter Six: Decision  
  
Author's Notes: This chapter is written in Buffy's view unlike the previous ones. It's also extremely short but I promise the next one won't be so long. You might think this chapter is a little dumb but I felt like having it.  
  
Dedication: For Geshany. Thank you for everything!  
  
Distribution: Please ask me.  
  
Reviews, Feedback: I live for these. Send me some and I will love you.  
  
Buffy:  
  
I shouldn't go.  
  
I shouldn't. It would be irrational and unfair. But if I don't go...  
  
Stop it. You know you shouldn't go. You can't go.  
  
But somehow all I can see in my mind is her.  
  
Cordelia.  
  
She's there. Standing all alone in her Gucci dress and Versace handbag. Sobbing and sobbing and... need I go on.  
  
And then he comes.  
  
Angel.  
  
And he's holding her...  
  
And I suddenly break down.  
  
Don't get me wrong.  
  
This isn't some jealous person crying because her friend is in the arms of the only person she's ever really loved and can never be there herself.  
  
If you think that then you've got this all wrong.  
  
I'm crying because I can't be there too.  
  
Because I want to show that I care too. And that even though I never knew Gunn really well, in a way I miss him too.  
  
But maybe it's more than that.  
  
Maybe it's to show that I'm a person too. That I can feel and know emotions just like anyone else.  
  
Too show them I'm not some bitch who's just here to get in the way.  
  
Do they think of me like that?  
  
But I guess now we're getting off track.  
  
Or am I just lying to myself just like I am to everyone else in the world?  
  
I guess I am.  
  
I have to show myself what I am. That I can cry, fall, die, watch others die and still be the same girl that I was over three years ago.  
  
That I can be a superhero now not only with a destiny but with a mission.  
  
I am someone. I exist and I'm not the shell I was trying to become.  
  
You can't try to escape because you wont succeed.  
  
But you can stay.  
  
You can fight.  
  
//"Strong is fighting, it's what we have to do and we can do it together."//  
  
Maybe one day.  
  
But for now I am doing it for myself.  
  
Maybe someday I'll prove that I deserve it.  
  
Maybe.  
  
Someday.  
  
But not now.  
  
For now I have a funeral to get to.  
  
//I wish that I could cry  
  
Fall upon my knees.  
  
Find a way to lie  
  
About a home I'll never see//  
  
Author's notes 2:  
  
Quote 1 was taken from Buffy season 3, the episode `Amends' and was said by Buffy.  
  
Quote 2 are lyrics from the song Superman by five for fighting.  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com 


	7. After The Funeral

Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Disclaimer: I never have (sigh) and never will(sigh) own BTVS or Angel. I don't own the end lyrics either.  
  
Title: Chapter 7: After the Funeral  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, this chapter is set after Gunn's funeral is finished (hence the title). I know my chapter's are continually getting shorter but i can't help it! For you B/A lovers (like me) I am sorry that they still haven't straightened things out yet but it will come soon!!  
  
Reviews, Feedback: Love it or hate it, I wanna know.  
  
Dedication: For Rachel. My 'frister'!!  
  
  
  
Cordelia looked down on the ground below her. The wind was blowing across her face, her dress flapping in the breeze. She felt her black scarf fly from her neck and reached her hand out to catch it. But she needn't have bothered. She heard a soft thud as another hand clasped it. The same hand placed it back on her shoulders and the wind began to ease down.  
  
"How did you find me?" she asked.  
  
"I always find you. Don't I?" he replied.  
  
"So far."  
  
"Well, I always will. Have you ever thought I wouldn't?"  
  
"I never have."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Stay with me?"  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I have to go."  
  
"Where? When will you come back?"  
  
"Soon."  
  
"How soon?"  
  
"Whenever you need me. I'll be here."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
She turned round and saw him slip away from her.  
  
Again.  
  
At home in her bedroom Cordelia Chase woke up.  
  
Alone. And began to sob.  
  
*********************  
  
Angel stared into the vacant space that surrounded him. He was trying to find Wesley or Cordelia. He hadn't seen them since the funeral had finished. He then turned round, only to find Wesley standing a few metres behind him, gazing upwards to the sky. He walked over to him slowly and stopped a little bit behind Wesley to give him time to get out of his own world and acknowledge Angel. A few minutes later Wesley finally turned round and gave Angel a brief smile.  
  
"Where's Cordelia?" asked Wesley, his voice light, but caring.  
  
"I was hoping you'd know." They scanned the graveyard together and finally spotted her on the other side leaning against a tree. Angel took a step forward to go to her but then Wesley put his hand on his arm and stopped him. "Not just yet. Give her some time." Reluctantly, Angel nodded in agreement.  
  
  
  
Cordelia wiped the tear protruding from her eye with the palm of her hand only to find another one fall right after it. That was all she'd been doing since the day it happened. The day Gunn died. Sometimes she wished she hadn't been there when it happened. So that she wouldn't have to see him fall to the ground after that creature stabbed him and then ran away. So that she wouldn't be having this feeling that somehow, in someway she wouldn't be feeling guilty for what happened. Just then Cordelia heard the bushes rustle and looked straight ahead. And then she saw her.  
  
It was Buffy.  
  
For a moment she couldn't, wouldn't believe it. But try as she might to pretend that Buffy was not there, she was. Cordelia stood up and looked at her blankly she didn't know what to say and she didn't know what Buffy was expecting from her.  
  
Buffy gently took a step forward. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure what to do. She knew that the funeral had already finished; she had seen some people leave - probably Gunn's friends - earlier. She knew Angel was over in the other side of the graveyard within eye distance of them but she wasn't sure whether he had spotted her yet. Anyway, she silently reminded herself, she was here to see Cordy and not Angel.  
  
"Hey," she whispered.  
  
"Hi," Cordelia whispered back. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I wanted to come see you….to see if you were ok," Buffy finally chocked out.  
  
And then Cordelia let out her first smile that morning…even if it only lasted a second. "Thanks," she muttered. Buffy reached forward and touched Cordelia's arm lightly. "I'm so sorry."  
  
Cordelia nodded roughly and then her face fell abruptly, her hair creating a sort of veil covering her.  
  
Buffy didn't have to hear the sobs to now she was crying.  
  
Buffy lifted her up gently and hugged her. Cordelia clung on to her like a lifeline. A moment later Cordelia let out a small muffled sound and Buffy softly shushed her. Then Cordelia broke away and looked up, loosening her grip. "I'm sorry," she muttered, "I know it would have to happen one day, but…"  
  
"Just not know?" Buffy offered.  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
"It's okay. You'll be okay." Buffy said hugging her again. Cordelia sniffled and let go, meeting her gaze. "Thanks." A small tear fell down her cheek. Cordelia's first instinct was to lift her hand wipe it off but she got interuppted by Buffy taking it on the way there.  
  
What, she questioned with her eyes.  
  
"Don't wipe it away," Buffy whispered. "Gunn deserves it."  
  
"Yeah," Cordelia said a few beats later. "He does."  
  
  
  
///I won't go,  
  
I won't sleep,  
  
I can't breathe,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.  
  
I won't leave,  
  
I can't hide,  
  
I cannot be,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.///  
  
Author's Notes 2: End lyrics are an extract from "Here With Me" sung by Dido. 


	8. Forgotten, Unforgiven

Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS or Angel. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., David Greenwalt, Marti Noxon, WB, UPN, etc do. I don't own the start quote. Sade does (taken from "Flow." on her 'Lovers Rock' album). The other quote is owned by Lifehouse (taken from "trying" off 'No Name Face.')  
  
Title: Chapter 8: Forgotten, Unforgiving  
  
Author's Notes: Once again sorry for delays in posting but I've been busy lately. Since I'm on holiday I'll try to write the next chapter faster. This is only a small rewrite but i felt like adding extra.  
  
Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again…  
  
Dedication: I'd like to thank everyone who reviews my story. I write this for you guys.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first.  
  
Reviews (for FF.net) and feedback: pretty please! I live for it!  
  
//And I won't let you go.  
  
I won't let you go.  
  
And I won't let you go.  
  
I won't let you go.//  
  
Angel looked around his desk. It was around ten o'clock and he could feel the sun glaring through the window onto his back. Normally he'd turn his chair round and enjoy the fact that now he could do things like this without having to worry about turning into a pile of ash a moment later, but not today. Today he had something else on his mind, something completely different. He was thinking about Gunn. One of his best friends was now dead, the first person that really trusted him from this town even after finding out that he used to be a vampire. It was kind of funny, his little group of friends. Him, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. An ex-vampire, miss popular, an ex-watcher and a vampire hunter. He had been friends with Doyle before he died but Doyle had been half-demon. The good side of evil had to stick together. Just like Whistler. But coming back to the present. Now it was only three of them. Gunn was gone and nothing could bring him back.  
  
Angel wasn't even sure what took him away. Cordelia had said that it was too dark to have seen what killed him, but it certainly wasn't a vampire. It had been a demon. And that was it. That was all they new and from the amount of millions of vampires in existence.  
  
Angel pushed his thoughts away from the image of Gunn's dead body over pouring with blood. He didn't need to go there. He turned around and stared at the sun, forcing himself not to remember the fact that Gunn could never see it again. Soon, his thoughts began to take on another topic and the images began to take on another form. Buffy.  
  
//Could you let your hair down  
  
And be transparent for a while,  
  
Just a little while  
  
To see if you're human after all.//  
  
He kept thinking about the way he let her just completely slip away from him everytime he saw her. For a moment he wondered whether he was doing that again. He still wasn't sure if he was completely over her yet. He did have Fred, that was true, and he really did love her. But something inside him told him it wasn't even half as close to the way he felt about Buffy.  
  
He tried to shake the thought away. That was the last thing he needed to think about right now. He thought after Fred had come back yesterday he'd stop thinking about Buffy, but it wasn't working. Fred had come running into the graveyard after hearing about Gunn, but, at the same time, Angel kept thinking about how much it felt like Buffy was nearby. The feeling went away soon, as had Cordelia who had disappeared. Wesley, Angel and Fred had gone to the office straight afterwards and had found her there sleeping on the couch.  
  
Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door, disturbing him from his world. He looked expectantly but then realised a few seconds later that the person behind it was waiting for an answer. "Come in," he called. He pulled the blinds of the window down just as he heard the door squeak open. Then on turning around he saw the visitor.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Hi." She smiled weakly.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to see you."  
  
"What for?" He felt like he could bite his tongue off the moment it left his lips.  
  
She looked down, seeming slightly embarrassed. "I thought we needed to talk." Angel made no response. She started to edge away and said quietly, " If you're busy, then..."  
  
"No, I'm not. It's okay." She stopped. "You're right. We do need to talk."  
  
They stayed for a few moments in silence.  
  
"I'm sorry about Gunn."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"He seemed nice."  
  
"I said he was, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah, you did."  
  
"So what's been up with you lately?" he said a while later.  
  
"Not much."  
  
"What about Nakate?"  
  
"Huh?" she said, looking up and finally meeting his gaze.  
  
"The demon, Nakate. You were fighting him."  
  
"How did you know about that?" she said edging backwards.  
  
"I found out." he said taking a small step forward.  
  
"You were following me?" she squealed moving towards the back door.  
  
He out from behind his desk to meet her, "No," he exclaimed.  
  
"Then how did you know," she said, leaning against the wall.  
  
"When you came here, that day, Cordelia took your clothes to wash. I found this black thing on them so we tested it."  
  
"Why the hell would you do that?" she shouted, her face going dark.  
  
"Because I was worried about you."  
  
"I knew it! You always do this! Trying to act like some stupid baby-sitter for me. Here's a newsflash for you - I don't need one Angel! I'm twenty-one years old and I am old enough to take care of myself!"  
  
"Buffy, calm down!" She did and stood straight to meet his gaze. "I did those things because I wanted to know what was out there. I know you're able to take care of yourself but this is L.A. You're not in Sunnydale anymore and here, things are different. You don't know this place well enough to fight it."  
  
"That may be so, but you don't know me well enough to look out for me anymore either."  
  
And with that she pulled the door open and ran through it.  
  
TBC... 


	9. Confessions

Author: Hana  
  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: a) BTVS and Angel are owned by Joss Whedon, UPN, WB etc.  
  
b) The first quote is owned by Britney Spears (from 'I'm not a girl,...')  
  
c) The second quote is owned my Celine Dion (from 'A New Day Has Come')  
  
Title: Chapter 9: Confessions  
  
Author's Notes: This is told in a mix of ways. The very beginning is in Buffy's POV. From there onwards (after the stars) it is back to the normal way. As always, sorry for the delay.  
  
Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again…  
  
Dedication: Elisha. My other 'frister.'  
  
Distribution: Ask me first.  
  
Reviews (FF.net) and feedback: Definitely!  
  
  
  
//I've seen so much more than you know now.  
  
Don't tell me to shut my eyes.//  
  
Buffy:  
  
So this is it.  
  
I either die today...or don't, I guess.  
  
But then again, does it make a difference either way?  
  
I so have to stop thinking doom headed thoughts.  
  
If I don't I guess I'm just going to...I'm going to end up like Gunn.  
  
I have to do this.  
  
I have to kill Nakate.  
  
I just wish Angel were here.  
  
  
  
Okay, I am so not going there.  
  
****************************************  
  
It was dark out here. And not just dark because the sun had set so that the street lamps and few cars were the only sources of light. It was dark because there was something there. Something that shouldn't be.  
  
Something evil.  
  
Buffy could feel it. She shuddered at it. Since she was the slayer it was no surprise to her that she felt. She could sense the demons and vampires from far away now that she had developed her skills properly. But this was different. She knew it was Nakate, aside from vampires all different demons sent out a different kind of presence. But Nakate's was so overwhelming it scared her. He scared her.  
  
And that was something no demon had ever been able to do before.  
  
She turned down the lane, she was getting closer every step of the way to reaching Nakate's current home. She walked, not even having to concentrate on her direction, her feet taking her where she needed to go.  
  
Just then Buffy yelped and jumped back. Something - or someone - had come out from the other side. The person grabbed her by the arms and whispered, "Shh. It's only me."  
  
This time Buffy jumped back even more.  
  
"Angel?" Neither of them said anything for a while. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to help you."  
  
"Wh-wh-why?" she stuttered.  
  
For a few moments neither of them could say anything. Then Angel managed, "Because you were right."  
  
"What?" Buffy choked out.  
  
Angel just looked at Buffy first, than replying, "You were right, about what you said. I shouldn't have followed you. I was worried about you, but I needn't have been. You can take care of yourself."  
  
"Thanks, that means a lot," said Buffy softening up. "But somehow I don't think you managed that alone."  
  
Angel smiled. "I had a little help from Cordelia." Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, maybe a lot. But it was from me. She just helped me find it."  
  
Buffy smiled back. She was about to swirl forwards on her heel when Angel stopped her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"There's something I need to talk to you about."  
  
"Okay, shoot."  
  
"Actually it's more along the lines of you telling me something." Buffy's eyes blinked for a moment in understanding but she said nothing. "I know you came to tell me something and even though I didn't then I will listen to it now."  
  
"Cordelia didn't tell you?"  
  
"She said it would be better if I heard it from you." Buffy gave a brief smile. "It's about them isn't it? Something happened."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy whispered. Angel lifted her chin up so their eyes met. Buffy sighed. "Nakate, he's not just some demon. When I fight him it's personal."  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"Last year we found out mum was sick. She had a brain tumour and one day I found her lying no the couch, not moving. Not breathing. The ambulance came too late, she was already dead. They said it was the tumour. But, then we found out it wasn't. Nakate had killed her. He had done a spell so there were no traces of it. Her brain tumour was bad enough to have seemed like what killed her."  
  
"Buffy, I'm so sorry -"  
  
"Wait, there's more. In the end we found out about Nakate and how he came. It was because of Willow."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She had overused her magic. She didn't know it, but she had summoned him. After Xander and I spoke to her about it, she disappeared. When we found her again, she had gone completely over to the dark side. At first, I couldn't fight her. I mean, she was my best friend for years and then I wake up one day with a message from the PTBs that the only way to get rid of Nakate is to kill the person whom he was summoned by." Angel's eyes flew up and he embraced her. He could feel small teardrops falling on his jacket. "I couldn't kill her, Angel, I couldn't even face her, until..."  
  
"Until what?" said Angel, dreading the answer.  
  
"Near the end of our first year of college, Willow started dating this girl, Tara." Angel suddenly looked confused. "Willow was gay."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Anyway, what happened was one day when we were coming to my place, Xander and I found Tara dead. At first we thought it was Nakate, but then we found out it was Willow. In the end I made myself face her, but I didn't have to kill her. She went mad."  
  
"How?" said Angel trying to look at Buffy but only seeing her hair, since her face was buried in his jacket.  
  
"I'm not sure, she and I were fighting and then she started doing these weird things. And then she fainted. I took her to the hospital, incase it was dangerous, but when she woke up she was still like that. The doctors said she was mad."  
  
"Where is she now?"  
  
Buffy finally looked up. "In the Sunnydale Mental Institution." Angel gulped, but didn't say anything. "After that, nothing much happened after that, until Nakate came back. I found out that when he was summoned to earth, if he wasn't given instructions then he tried to kill a being of power, so then he would have their power. This time he had chosen me. That was why he killed mom. Why afterwards he killed Xander..." her voice trailed off and tears began to flow down her face.  
  
"Buffy I'm so sorry." Angel said hugging tight. She cried into his shoulder and he stood their holding her. Then a thought crossed his mind. "Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah?" she whispered.  
  
"What about Giles? Where was he all that time?"  
  
"He was in England."  
  
"England?"  
  
"Yes. He had left before it all started. He said that since I wasn't the slayer anymore there really was no reason for him to be here. Especially since his family was in England." This time, Buffy gulped and stared at Angel with dull grey eyes. "I wasn't his family anymore."  
  
For a moment Angel couldn't say anything. Then, "What about that other girl? The one with brown hair who said she was leaving after graduation, but I saw her when I came that Thanksgiving? What was her name again?"  
  
"Anya."  
  
"That's the one. Where was she?"  
  
"She was there, then."  
  
"But, where is she now?"  
  
"In San Francisco or somewhere around there I think. That time she came back because of Xander. They got engaged before everything started to happen, started to go wrong. After his funeral, she told me she couldn't stay. We said good bye and that was it."  
  
Angel looked at her. She had gone through so much and he was so angry with himself for not being there. He remembered promising her that whenever she needed him he would be right by her side. He had broken that promise. Maybe not all of what happened was his fault but he still should have been there. Then maybe things wouldn't have been so bad. He couldn't change the past, but he could change the future.  
  
So he took her hand in his and led her down the road like he had one night in Christmas many years ago.  
  
And they walked all the way like that. They were on their way to fight a terrible demon.  
  
But they were together.  
  
And for now that was all that mattered.  
  
//Where there was weakness I've found my strength,  
  
All in the eyes of a boy.//  
  
A/N 2: This is not the end!! There is still more to come! 


	10. See Me

Author: Hana / cordychase Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com Rating: PG Disclaimer: I don't own them - Joss & co. do, the lucky devils Title: Chapter 10: See Me Author's Notes: I knwo that it has taken me so long to post this chapter that some of you mayhave even forgotten the whole story by now, so i apologize for that but the problem was that my connection broke down so i coudn't even check my mail for ages (and do i mean AGES!) But here it is, finally and i've got 1 more to go after so please, plase R&R, k? Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again.  
  
"Is he up, yet?" she asked Wesley when he walked through the door. "Cordelia you have asked me that ten times during the past half hour and each time I have given you the same answer - " "I know, I know, 'he's not up yet.'" she interupted. "This time it's a different answer." Cordelia looked hopeful. "He's in the shower." "Aargh!" Cordelia screamed. "It's okay, Cordy. I'm sure everything is fine." "How can you know that?" "I don't know that." "See!" "But," Wesley continued, ignoring her, "I do know that whatever happens Angel would have made the right descison." "Okay, I grant you that in the time of crisis, for example when fighting demons Angel manages to keep a level head and gets through everything. But it is totally another story for his love life or rather his prior lack of it." Wesley considered this for a moment. "You know you do have a point there." Cordelia merely nodded. A few seconds later she stood up and said "I'm going to the kitchen." "Hungry?" Wesley asked. "There's some ice cream in the freezer if you want it." "Ice Cream? And get all spotty and fat? I think not. I am going for a glass no water. No calories whatsoever." Wesley chuckled at her remark.  
  
********************  
  
"Flight 116 to Paris now boarding," Buffy heard the loudspeakers say. But she wasn't really listening. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay, to be with Angel. That was why she had called him last week when she found out he was leaving but he never called back. At first she told herself that maybe he hadn't got the message, that he wanted her to stay too but he didn't know she was going in the first place. But then she decided to face reality. He didn't want to be with her. He just wanted to be her..........friend. She really hated that word.  
  
********************  
  
"I wish he would hurry up and get here," said Cordelia as they enetered the kitchen together. "Well, he has been busy this whole week. We had that client that needed us to find his son and then - " "I know, I know you guys had all those cases straight after Angel and Buffy getting rid of that demon.Plus I wasn't here to ask him myself anyway." "Did you know the phone was disconnected?" asked Wesley picking up the wire. "No. Maybe one of you stepped on it accidentally." Wesley casually shrugged and plugged it back in.  
  
*******************  
  
Buffy's father got up from his seat and put his bag around his shoulder. Buffy made no sign of moving. "Coming, honey?" She glanced up at his expectant face and forced a nod. "Yeah. There's just a call I have to make first. I'll be there in a sec." "Okay." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "See you on the plane." "Yep." Buffy whispered to his retreating figure. And then she headed to the nearest callbox.  
  
*******************  
  
Cordelia and Wesley were back in the hall when the phone began to ring. Wesley was about to get it when Cordy stopped him. "It'll go to the answering machine," she explained. "If it's important we can take the phone." Wesley was about to protest when they heard Angel's footsteps just over the ringing sound of the phone. "Well, look Wesley, sleeping beauty is finally here." Cordelia said when he came down. From the otherside of the room her voice sang, saying, "Hello. This is Angel Investigations. We help the helpless. We can't come to the phone right now but if you leave a message after the beep we'll get back to you as soon as possible." After the quick beep a different girl's voice came to the phone. "Um, Angel? It's Buffy. I'm not sure whether you got my message I left you before. I'm at the airport," she said, her tone changing. "I'm going to Paris with my dad 'cause he got a job transfer and he wanted me to live there with him. Well, basically I just called to say goodbye. So, goodbye." The phone clicked off and Angel seemed frozen. Wesley was about to say something when Angel suddenly ran between them, reached over the counter to get his coat and ran out of the building.  
  
"I hope he gets there in time," said Cordelia after they heard the car leave. "Then maybe at least one of us will be with the person they love." Wesley reached over and gave her a quick hug. Then they sat on the sofa together only to find someone enter the Hotel. "Fred?" excliamed Wesley. "What are you doing here?" "I came to see Angel. Where is he?" Cordelia and Wesley exchanged glances. "What is going on? Where is my boyfriend?" demanded Fred. Cordelia sighed. "Fred, old girl. He was never yours." And set about to explain the story.  
  
******************  
  
Angel ran inside the airport trying to avoid bumping into people. Finally he found a free counter. "When does the flight to Paris leave?" he asked breathlessly. "Tonight's flight leaves at 9.30pm, sir," she said. "No, I mean the afternoon one." "Well, sir, that..." She gestured towards the window. He turned and saw an aircraft take-off and soar into the bright sunny sky overhead L.A.  
  
TBC...  
  
The final part is on its way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	11. 11

Author: Hana / cordychase  
Email: cordeliachase@slayme.com mailto:cordeliachase@slayme.com  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel and all other characters are owned by Joss, David, Marti, WB, UPN, and a few other lucky so-and-so's.  
Title: Chapter 11: On My Way  
Author's Notes: Here's the 11th and final chapter of this story. Just want to give out a BIG thank everyone who read and reviewed this story and also my friends Charlotte, Manoj, Eshanthi, Geshany & Tharika.  
Summary: Angel turns human but still stays away from Buffy. 2 Years later they meet up again…  
  
  
Buffy started taking out her luggage. They were staying in a hotel until her father got an apartment arranged so she wasn't going to unpack everything. She came across a black leather jacket. She pulled it out only to realise it wasn't hers. It was Angel's. She could still remember him giving it to her years ago. She held it close to her. She could still faintly smell his scent on it. A knock on the door interuppted her trail of thoughts. It was from the door that led to the connecting room so she knew it would be her father.  
"Come in," she called resting the jacket onto her bed. He did.  
"Hey honey."  
"Hi Dad. What do you want?"  
"Well, there's a coach leaving from the hotel in fifteen minutes which is going to see some sights of Paris. And I'm going so I was wondering whether you would come with me."  
"I was unpacking."  
"Well, you can always unpack later."  
"Um, alright then," she said deciding that even though she wasn't too keen on going at least it would probably stop her thinking of Angel. "Just let me get my bag."  
  
***************  
  
Buffy stepped onto the pavement with her father. They were getting back onto the bus after visiting the Eiffel Tower. She hadn't thought that she would enjoy herself but some of the sites were really nice, although she had started to get a bit bored of Paris. But some of the actual beauty was lost on her when her mind drifted off to think of Angel. She couldn't help it, but it was started to make her absent-minded and she almost went the wrong way and got lost at the previous stop. Just then she realised that her bag felt lighter than it had when she arrived. She looked inside and realised that Mr. Gordo must have fallen out when she opened it to give her father the camera. She knew she shouldn't have brought it with her on their trip, let alone all the way from America to Paris - she was too old for cuddly toys - but, she knew she would feel strange in a foreign country and she had wanted something to remind her of home.   
"Dad?" she said, tapping on his shoulder.  
"Yes?"  
"I think I left something back there."  
"But the bus is about to leave, Buffy."  
"Then why don't you go without me. I can always get a cab back to the hotel."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you have enough money with you?"  
"Yes, Dad."   
"Okay, then," he said kissing her forehead. "See you back at the hotel."  
  
She watched as the bus drove away with him in it. She went up to the floor she thought it was on and started looking around. While she was doing that she felt a strange feeling in her gut. It was what she usually felt when Angel was around or even sometimes when she thought of him so she tried to push it away. Then she saw Mr. Gordo in the hands of some man. She couldn't make out who it was because his back was to her.   
"Excuse me," she called.   
He turned around, his black leather jacket rising in the wind. "Buffy."  
"Angel, she whispered. She couldn't believe her eyes, but there he was standing in front of her holding her stuffed pig in his hands. She couldn't think of anything else to say, and so she ended up just staring at him.  
"I saw him over there," he gestured behind him, "and thought it was yours." She simply nodded, shocked. "Buffy," he said, taking a step towards her.  
"What are you doing here?" she finally said.  
"I had to come after you. I-I couldn't let you leave."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I love you, Buffy."  
  
  
  
**************  
  
Hank Summers gently tapped on the front door of his daughter's hotel room. He wasn't sure whether she would still be awake, and didn't want to wake her if she was. After a few seconds it was opened by her. He noticed she was wearing her jeans with a man's shirt.   
"Dad. I thought you would still be out."   
Before he could reply he heard a man's voice calling, "Buffy, is it here yet? I-" he stopped when he came into view of Hank. A look growing on his face he noticed that the strange man in his daughter's room wasn't wearing a shirt. His expression grew stern.  
"Buffy, can I talk to you?" he said. "Alone."  
"Yes, Dad." She took one last look at the man in her room before stepping out and closing the door behind her.  
  
  
  
  
  
*************  
  
Buffy stepped of the plane with her duffel bag over her shoulder. She had finally sorted everything out with her dad. Her father wasn't too fond of Angel, but from their few meetings in Paris he had decided to trust him with his daughter. Buffy knew she would miss her Dad, but he said he would visit her whenever he could and sometimes she would go and visit him.   
She was still the Slayer but finally she thought that maybe she could deal with that. She saw Angel standing inside, waiting for her. And she ran into his open arms with a smile on her face.  
She could feel that they were going to be happy - forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Did you like it??????  
pease review an tell me everything you think. 


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